“NITHU, THE VEGETARIAN ROTARIAN”
by Christopher Mason
(Recorded in Sagaponack, Long Island, uploaded to YouTube, and projected onto a giant screen in a hotel ballroom in Madras, India, for Nithu’s 50th birthday, July 2009.)
Click to view on YouTube: “Nithu, Vegetarian Rotarian”
to “When I’m 64” (in Bb)
Fifty years old, no wrinkles in sight,
Not a hint of grey!
What is Nithu’s secret? What’s the hidden truth?
How’s she tapped the fountain of youth?
Slender and lovely, tender and sweet,
Strangely coiffed, but trim,
She remains outstanding
As Raja keeps expanding,
How does she stay so slim?
Is it her crazy diet that helps
Keep her looking svelte?
If it is, we must admit, we’d rather die
Than give her freakish diet a try!
Though she insists, Raja resists,
He won’t hit the gym
And so, at every party,
She’s Laurel and he’s Hardy,
She’ll never make him slim. [Bb>G7]
to “That’s Why the Lady Is a Tramp.” (in C)
She won’t eat onions, and we’ve all observed,
She’s quite suspicious when dinner is served,
Though cooks may find her excessively rude,
My sister always sniffs her food!
She knows her onions; she’ll barely survive
The slightest whiff of a scallion (shallot) or chive,
Forget raw garlic, for her it’s pure hell,
It just offends her sense of smell.
And if she sniffs just even a trace,
Behold her face!
She scowls! She howls!
So if you’re tempted to make Nithu swoon,
Just touch an onion with her spoon! [C>G7]
to Yesterday (in C)
As a child,
She was feisty and a little wild,
Took her older sister role too far,
She made us call her Nithuka.
While the volume blasted
As Paatti watched TV,
Nithu studied hard
Passed her tests grade A, not B!
Very rough,
Just like Oobli Oobli, she was tough!
As a shining academic star
She made us call her Nithuka. [C>C7]
to “I Did It My Way” (in F)
But when she married Raja
Who’s a very lovely fellow,
She changed, and overnight,
Nithu became so sweet and mellow!
We always will be grateful for
This splendid aberration,
When Raja-jaan inspired
This major transformation!
Her worldview was informed
By reading books by P.G. Wodehouse;
She studied Jeeves and Wooster
And evolved into a good spouse;
Her brother Raghu-jaan, is like Don Juan,
A little frantic!
She only wishes Raja-jaan
Was so romantic.
Nithu’s a marvelous mom,
She’s proud of Arun’s dedication,
With Prithvi, she made sure
He got a spoon-fed education.
In High School he tuned out,
His concentration there was muddy
He played his drums, but did his sums,
She made him study.
So young, so raven-haired,
That Nithu’s 50 seems surprising,
She’ll never stop informing Raja
That he should be exercising!
This webcast from New York
Beamed from the twinkling stars above you
Is just to wish you Happy Birthday,
We all love you!